I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
