I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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