i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
