you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
