Jerry, you need to find god
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
