the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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