i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
