HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize