I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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