and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
