The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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