Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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