If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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