at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
