I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
