i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
