I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
