I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
