How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
