i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
