you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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