I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
