oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
