my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
