I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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