i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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