my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
