That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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