I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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