stop calling my apartment porn island.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
