you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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