It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
