grandma shit on top of the toilet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize