wanna go halves on a baby?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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