I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
