Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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