I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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