bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
