I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
