Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shame - the story of my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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