what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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