never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
