U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
