when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
