I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
