this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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