I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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