just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize