Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
