He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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