I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
