Can i not drive my cunt home
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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