Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
