So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How's work?
Spinning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
