I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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