Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
