I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
