I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
