I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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