Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
