I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i'm inner monologue high
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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