oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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