I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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