Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
