I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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