There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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