just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My ass is underappreciated
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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