I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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