4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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