Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
