Even the bartender felt bad for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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