she was so not down for the gang bang
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
