i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
