I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
