Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
