Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
